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This article is about my experiences of international and inter-racial dating. It is purely an account of what I have witnessed and experienced myself over the course of my life so far, although at 55 years old, I am nearer the end of it than the beginning. It is my advice on handling an international or inter-racial relationship.

It all began at an early age when I was in infant school at seven. There was a Filipina girl in our class and I could not take my eyes off her, although I probably did not know much about it then. We parted at eight when they moved closer to another school and I never saw her again.

My next meeting with a foreign girl, was the mademoiselle junior teacher at school and I was certain that I would marry a French country girl when I grew up. That passed when the German helper arrived.

When I was fourteen, I went on a school cruise to Leningrad and there was a party of exchange students going home to Sweden on the same ship. I went out with one of them for about a week and first noticed the issues that can come from international dating. There was a minor language barrier, but it was fun getting over that. The real problem came, because I had preconceived ideas of what Swedish girls were like, most likely instilled in me after years of silly ‘Carry On’ films.

At sixteen, I went to Germany to work for the summer and I found it very easy to get on with the German girls, although they were shyer that I was expecting too. Also an outlook I owed to silly Health and Efficiency ‘sex films’.

After concluding university, I moved to The Netherlands to live. It was the seventies and Dutch girls were great. However, I made friends with male British colleagues first and soon saw some of the problems that can come from an international relationship. Most of the men I knew were typical Brits and made absolutely no effort to learn Dutch at all. Surprisingly, many Dutch people could not speak English either, particularly the parents.

This lead to a surprising quantity of tense moments in a week and that put a lot of strain on my friends’ relationships. It is so easy to start name-calling when you are angry and it is the worst thing you can do. The Dutch girlfriend or her parents or friends would be called ‘a stupid cheese eater’ or something equally daft and the relationship was over or in trouble for days. I do not recall what the Dutch called us.

I vowed to myself there and then never to get serious about a foreign girl because the arguments were just too much. Food was never a problem. Culture was not much of a problem, although where I was in southern Netherlands, most people were Catholic and I am not. This did perplex some parents but not me. Travelling was always going to be the drawback. Do you live by her parents or yours? Especially when children start arriving. Most countries have stronger family ties than Britain.

Then, at 50, having never been married, I went to Thailand, where I met my wife-to-be. Asian culture is very different from British or even European society and it is a real shock to both parties. Anyway, five years into our relationship and we are still fine. I recollect the reasons I gave myself for not marrying abroad when in The Netherlands and I was incorrect, but not much.

If you are going to enter into an international or even inter-racial relationship, you had better learn how to manage your anger. It is the most important advice you will ever get. Being understanding of other points of view is important too, but not getting angry is more important. Furthermore, you must try to learn something about your partner’s land, culture and language, otherwise you cannot join in any discussion your partner may have with someone who does know a bit about it.

I have never seen religion be a problem ever, except in an argument. My wife is Buddhist and I am not. We talk about it, but there is never any stress. Food, again I have never seen a problem in this field. Clothing, again no problem in my life. If you get into an international or inter-racial relationship, keep your temper, do not shout, do not get angry and talk things out calmly.

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The debate about gay marriages has been a very hot political topic for many years and because it is so hot a subject, the number of states that have come out publicly either for or against the subject is not so astounding. While there are few states that actually recognize gay or same-sex marriages, there are a few that are more liberal, allowing almost equal rights. Massachusetts is currently the only state in the United States that allows same-sex marriages. The state of Rhode Island is generous enough to recognize as a legal marriage any same-sex marriage that was carried out in Massachusetts, which is considered a major victory by many same-sex supporters.

The elections of recent years have seen this as a very hot subject and with the White House stressing openly that marriage can only involve a man and a woman, not same-sexes, many states have been very reluctant to sanction same-sex marriages. However, a few states have permitted same-sex civil unions, which are very similar to marriage.

These states are California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Maine, New Jersey, and Vermont. The District of Columbia also recognizes same-sex unions and the Governor of New Hampshire has stated publicly that he will soon sign a bill giving the go-ahead to same-sex unions. This is a major victory for those who support the movement.

While many states have not given the green light on the topic of same-sex marriage, there are states that are sitting around discussing the subject. Many couples who are fighting for their rights have argued that there is absolutely no difference in the manner they run their households compared to their heterosexual counterparts. They have also stated that while they may be with a partner who is the same sex as them, they do still love their partner and should have the legal right to marry them too.

This has always been a contentious topic, and probably will continue to be a hot subject for several years in the future. While the issues rage within the states and at the national level, it will more than likely be quite a long time before the gay and lesbian rights groups can really declare a triumph for their cause. Nevertheless, there is some solace to be taken in the small victories as they occur, and another Governor of a state being ready to sanction a civil union is at least a step in the direction towards triumph.

However, the fact is that the actions of the individual states tend to reflect the opinions of the President. With a President in office who is a staunch opponent of same-sex marriage and civil union, it is unlikely to allow much room for many more victories until a more accommodating, or rather liberal, President is in the White House. Only time will tell what President Obama’s views are.

Once the bill has passed through all the legal channels of the state, it could go into effect as early as the next year, much to the joy of the New Hampshire residents, who have been waiting patiently. Each state that gives this right to its residents opens the door a little more to other states to become more tolerant. Finally, this paves the way for America to join the bulk of Europe in sanctioning the legal inequalities of straight and gay couples nationwide.

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